“Let go. And Let God.”

Have you ever prayed for something so much… over and over… every day… until you didn’t even believe that prayer was helping???

I recently got to that point.  I realized, that again, my prayers were completely selfish and I didn’t feel right about begging God for two certain things I wanted to happen in my life.  I completely let these two requests take over my entire prayer life.  It was completely ridiculous.  My heart was full of doubt and fear, as I would be on my knees begging and pleading with God to answer these petitions, and at the same time in my head I was thinking they are never going to happen.

This is my story of letting go and letting God.

Last Monday, during my quiet time I was having a fight with myself about praying for things too much.  It turned into a complete melt down within myself and I decided…. “I can’t do it.  I can’t pray about these things anymore.”  I read this passage out of James chapter 4 that further proved my point:

When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

"You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way…"

It was true… The Bible is always true, but this passage hit me between the eyes.  I was asking with doubt in my heart because I had prayed about the same two things for over a year.  I am a spoiled child of God and it was sobering to realize I simply just needed to LET GO! AND LET GOD!

I know this.  I have known this.  I just got to consumed with begging God for things I thought I had to have.  So I enacted a plan right away to not pray for myself about these things and call on three of my good friends to do it for me.  I got a true feeling of genuine community as I completely trusted that God would come through because I knew my friends would be praying.

Side Note:  If you don’t have close friends like this…. find some.  God doesn’t expect you to go through things alone and genuine friends that truly care are there “for such a time as this” to help lighten your load.

Anyway, that was on a Monday.  By Tuesday afternoon I felt an amazing since of peace and freedom.  By Thursday God had answered one of the prayer requests!  This had been like a ball-and-chain around my ankle for the last two and a half years, and God had finally answered!  It has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with the powerful prayers of wonderful friends and God’s providential wisdom, timing, and healing!

I have clung and will continue to cling to Psalm 55:22 until the second prayer is answered.

“Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you.  He will never let the righteous fall.”

In the mean time, let me encourage you with this… Let go. And let God.  He can handle it.  If you find yourself praying passionately for something for a long period of time, and it becomes too much… Let go.  And let God come through for you.

Homeless???

home  /hoʊm/ Show Spelled [hohm] – noun the place in which one's domestic affections are centered. OR the place or region where something is native or most common. OR a principal base of operations or activities

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We went from having our own home... surrounded with loving reminders of family and friends... decorated just the way I like... a great shower... a bigger washer and dryer... a dishwasher you can load... and on and on.... We were happy....

To now, where we are living in filth, surrounded by boxes. Don't get me wrong... We are very thankful to have somewhere to live right now. BUT it is definitely not our home.

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We have no affections for the mission house

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It is not common or comfortable for us

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We do not operate there.

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We are officially homeless!

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Nate and I both take a lot of pride in keeping a house nice and clean. I always loved to have friends and youth over. It was like they were getting to know us when they walked into our home.

For the last 10 months the worst part is... I miss that.

I think I am going to go crazy soon.

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Compare my last memorable moment of our house to the mission house below. Yikes.

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Spiritually BITTER or Spiritually BETTER???

An entry from my journal on July 12, 2010:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind." ~James 1:2-6

Our house has been for sale for almost ten months now. I have been physically, mentally, and spiritually down for these months too. I have let my circumstances take control. This last week was a bad one, and I know that Nate and I are a little depressed. Yesterday at church I heard yet another sermon on "enduring trials." I'm tired of hearing things like this, but this message stood out.

Everyone is going to go through trials... How do I respond? Am I going to come though spiritually bitter or better? Until today I have been growing more bitter by the week. Today I choose to make myself spiritually better.

Verse 5 says to ask for wisdom, but ask without a doubt. Nate came to me this morning saying that for the first time in these ten months, he is really not doubting - I am totally opposite in that I have never doubted so much.

Lord, please search me and know my heart. Take all my doubt away because I know that you are there and that you have a plan. Please grant me Your wisdom to become spiritually better and know how to make it through this trial...

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Today I feel refreshed in the fact that Nate and I are here

"for such a time as this" to see God move in the lives of our students.

Nate with Sara and Daniel, Sunday 8/8/10, before they were baptized.

Me and Sara

Re-united and It Feels So Good!

Nate just got back from Super Summer. It was only the second camp I have ever missed since we have been married. I wanted to be there with him and our students so bad... I am jealous of all the great worship they experienced. (I sure hope I get the job that made me miss it)

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Nate hasn't stopped talking about it since he got back. I know it was an awesome week for all involved and something that Nate really needed. He is playing some new songs he learned on his guitar right now. I can't wait to talk to my girls about everything.

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I made it fine this week, so I am already less depressed than I was last week :) Just got a little scared when I was in the shower or when I was about to go to bed. haha

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Looking forward to a great weekend to catch up with Nate, and praying for our house to sell at the open house on Sunday. Hope you have a great weekend too!

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God, we believe you can do a miracle this week and sell the house. We totally give this situation to you and will praise you whether it sells or not. You are God and You are Good!

A Heart That Endures

I once heard a man say that if he could ask for one thing from God it would be...... A HEART THAT ENDURES. wow

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

-Phil. 4:2-8

He used these verses to explain to us what exactly this kind of heart looks like.... *Be happy in knowing the Lord. We don't deserve his love.

*Gentleness = Being happy with less than you deserve.

*Don't worry. "Worry is the interest on a debt that has already been paid."

*Worry is the complete opposite of prayer.

*Be thankful..... There is a lot to be thankful for

*God's greatest gift = peace

*Think positive thoughts

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This is an awesome goal. The pastor that spoke these words was well into his fifties, and had just resigned from his church because they were unable to pay him. He was going through some hard times and stood infront of our whole church and gave us a message of peace, hope, and love. I greatly admire his words, and pray that I can have a heart that endures.

Nate and I have both learned a lot about ourselves in the last seven months. Everyday that our house doesn't sell makes my attitude worse. I have learned that I am a lazy, selfish person.... great huh? I feel like I am trapped in someone elses body... literally. The things that I used to love to do.... I just don't. I am letting my surroundings determine my mood.

But don't worry.... I know myself and somehow I will slowly get back to that girl.

We have found great friends here and I am able to get everything off my chest whenever I want. Nate and I are about to go insane and do some insanity workouts, which will help me a lot! We are about to start summer activities, which I always look forward to.... Can't wait to get to know our students better. And, I just booked our anniversary trip to the Bahamas! Things are looking up!

From today on I will choose to rejoice in the Lord! I will be happy with what we have. God has totally provided for us during our transition from Rogers to Yukon. There were times when I had it written on paper how we weren't going to have money left for food after we paid our bills in Rogers and in Yukon.... And somehow we still had money in the bank. Do you believe God still does miracles??? I certainly do!

I will choose to pray when I want to worry. And I will choose to be thankful instead of grumpy. I will think happy thoughts and not let myself get down. I will pray for one of God's greatest gifts... peace.

This should be a wonderful start to a week of self reflection, restoration, and renewal. I will be by myself so this could get interesting. Nate is going to church camp without me for the first time. The depressed Whitney would cry all day everyday and lay on the couch when she gets off work, but today.... the new me will choose not to be like that. Mind over matter. Here goes nothing....

God give me a heart that endures