The Waiting Game

WAIT:  verb (used without object)

1. to remain inactive or in a state of repose, until something expected happens

2. to remain neglected for a time

3. to look forward to eagerly

When I hear the word WAIT, the first thing I thing I think is…. “story of my life.”  Then I quickly survey my life and realize there are certain, very important, things where I didn’t have to WAIT too long. Like meeting and falling in love with my wonderful husband in the 8th grade.  But in every instance…. the WAITing ones and the not…. I can see God’s provision in my life.  There are still some things that I don’t understand, but I know in time God will show me a huge life lesson…. case in point: the year 2010.

The above definitions for the word WAIT give me mixed emotions: 1. sad, 2. depressed, and 3. hopeful.  When WAITing on anything, for just a short time or for years, it seems, maybe, as if God has forgotten you… He’s not hearing the cries of my heart, people… Or maybe the situation gets the best of you and you just quit praying all together.  That’s where I get when the WAITing game seems like too much to bear, where I feel totally “neglected for a time” and ready to sleep/eat my worries away.  But then sweet little definition #3 comes…. and I can continue to “look forward to eagerly” the blessings that God is going to give me soon.  And, look at all the beautiful blessings that are right in front of my face.

WAITing on God is something that is commanded:

“But you much return to your God, Maintain love and justice, and WAIT for your God always”  Hosea 12:6

“WAIT for the Lord, Be strong and take heart and WAIT for the Lord” Psalm 27:14

“Be still before the Lord and WAIT patiently for Him” Psalm 37:7

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you.  Therefore He will rise up to show you compassion.  For the Lord is a God of justice.  Blessed are all who WAIT for Him!”  Isaiah 30:18

We WAIT for His providence, His salvation, and His blessings….. Especially these days, where we are privileged to live in an instant and selfish United States.  But there are some benefits to WAITing on God.  It leads to expectancy… It leads to hope… It leads to trust… And it leads to patience.

“In the morning, Lord, You hear my voice.  In the morning I lay my requests before You and WAIT expectantly.”  Psalm 5:3

“We WAIT in hope for the Lord.  He is our help and our shield”  Psalm 33:20

“I will WAIT for the Lord… I will put my trust in Him”  Isaiah 8:17

“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we WAIT for it patiently”  Romans 8:25

And, we can always know that we are not alone.  And that things can always get worse or be worse.  Everyone is WAITing on something.  What I do while I WAIT is what’s important.  I can’t let myself grow bitter and more selfish… only better and more reliant on The One who’s in charge. 

Thinking through the Bible… there are soooo many people that WAITed years for God’s promises to be fulfilled:  Abraham & Sarah, Zechariah & Elizabeth, Joseph, Daniel, David, Ruth, Esther, Moses, Jacob, Paul, and even Jesus Himself.  Everything happens in God’s timing and who am I to ask why something isn’t happening right when I want it.

As I am turning 30 in a few short weeks, I am grateful for the knowledge I have on this subject…. way more than the average lady my age, I know that.  It has made me into the woman I am today.  Though it has been a hard lesson to learn, it has helped me to be more grounded and more grateful.  Life is too short to worry about whatever I am WAITing on.  I have learned that it is so comforting and so beautiful to fully rely and trust God for the desires of my heart.  He knows my heart and I pray everyday that it would be pure and steadfast.  That’s the bottom line.  That’s the end of my WAITing game. 

(Some of this was taken from BibleGateway.com.  A great resource that’s always at your fingertips)

“The Day a Weight was Lifted”

I strongly believe that one of the reasons God allows “storms” in our life is so we can help others that go through the same thing.  So we can learn about ourselves, and have a lasting testimony of our Lord and Saviors providential timing and see how He sustains us.

Last night in Nate’s talk to the youth he said that God wants to show His greatness to others through your storm.  The point of pain in our lives isn’t to suck it up or walk it off… It’s to show the beauty and grace of our Savior.

I have found that I am a becoming a writer.  I have kept journals since I can remember, but lately it has gone to a whole different level… I have to write to get things off my chest.  I have to write to vent my feelings.  I just have to write.

This is what I wrote in my journal yesterday…

Ah!  Sweet relief!  After being in Yukon and having our house in Rogers for sale for 2 1/2 years… It finally sold today!  Closing was at 2pm and we got a call around 3:30 with the good news.  That was 1,080 days of waiting on the Lord.  This was the 4th or 5th offer we got and I was so scared that they were going to back out too.  Praise the Lord they didn’t. 

Getting our papers signed and sending them off!

I feel like a different person without this over my head.  Many times I have felt sorry for myself… calling this “storm” in my life a nightmare.  Things couldn’t have gone worse.  At least that’s how I felt.  Nate and I were on our knees about this situation everyday.  Our minds, hearts, and money has been in two different towns.  We would go through “what if?” situations, like:  What if our first realtor would have priced it right back in October 2009?  What if our second realtor would have done a better job with the rent-to-own option?  What if we wouldn’t have let a bum live there for 10 months?

Now, being finished with the whole ordeal, I am saying “what if?” in a different way… What if we didn’t have the love and provision of our Almighty God to put all our hope and faith in?  What if our families didn’t support us and continually offer help and support?  What if I didn’t have such wonderful friends that prayed everyday for me when I couldn’t?  What if our church family didn’t love and support us?  What if God hadn’t provided the money we needed to live or places to live (like my brother’s barn or our church’s mission house)?  Seriously, what if?

I am blessed beyond what I can even believe.  There is no reason that I deserve so much.  There is no explanation as to why Nate and I are not in debt up to our eyeballs, in foreclosure, or homeless and hungry… Besides the wonderful provision of our awesome Lord and Savior, and the faithful prayers of His children.  I am so thankful for so much right now in this moment.

Celebratory Italian nachos!

I always say that we learn a lot from these “unforeseen storms” of life, and Nate and I aren’t to sure if we learned anything of great importance BUT I do know of some things.  We learned patience… with God, others, each other and money.  We learned that God will provide!  And that we are horrible landlords and should never own another rental property.  We learned how to look for a good realtor.  And what depression feels like.  We learned what it was like to face a huge crisis, and how to support each other in the midst of it.  We learned about short sales.  I learned I was a really good letter writer (there was no way they were saying no).  I learned the feeling of genuine community and dependence on the two best friends that I’ve ever had in my life.  I learned that Nate and I have a deep, un-shattering love for each other… even deeper than I thought.

Celebratory dinner with friends!

I’m sure more gratefulness and more things I learned will come to me in the following days, but today I will just relish the love of my Heavenly Father, my wonderful husband, my best friends, my family, and my church.  This leap year 2012 will forever be a memory in my life.  “The day a weight was lifted” I like to say.  A day that will live in infamy… just joking ;)

It is good to feel more like myself and hear Nate genuinely laugh.  It’s been a while and we are ready to make this whole “owning one house instead of two” thing the new normal.  Oh, what a life we get to lead.

So, if you are in the midst of a storm, and need some encouragment… know that this storm is not the end of your story.  Know that it will end some day.  Don’t allow it to take you over.  Allow it to shape you into a more faithful follower of Christ.

Goodbye darling house.  We will always love and cherish our time with you!

August 2005 – November 2009

3600 West Beechwood Drive. Rogers, AR 72756

The Power of Being Positive

Why hello my favorite month.  I absolutely love November.  The weather is cooling off but not freezing… There is a great family holiday in the middle… It’s Nate’s birthday… It’s my birthday… It’s one month before Christmas!

Last week we went to clean up our AR house, so it was a week full of cleaning and painting.  We got home, went to sleep, and immediately got up and went to Falls Creek with some church people to do the same thing there.  We were soar and exhausted by the time Sunday rolled around….. but, I will say that we got a ton of things done.

I was a little upset when I caught my breath on Monday night because I wasted a whole week of my favorite month cleaning. Ugh.  But now, I am in my full November happy place…. as I sit here at work wearing my uggs and a fleece…. and have resolved to think positive. 

When we met with our new realtor to re-list the house (for the third time), we got some bad news.  We knew it was going to be bad, but weren’t prepared to hear that we are going to have to bring around $12,000 to the table when our house finally does sell.  I went through a crazed panic phase, a pitty party, a “why are you letting this happen, God?” phase, and an all out ugly cry when we drove away from the house a week ago today…. but since then Nate and I have really stepped back and remained positive.  I keep telling myself that November is going to be a great month.  Keeping positive about everything is key…. I learned this from the mission house.

We have resolved not to stress about this situation and just go through it.  We still have each other and as my dad says, “It’s just money.”  Our positive attitudes have been great this week (we’ll see about the next few) and it has really made a difference.  Control your mind… control your emotions… control your situation.  Beth Moore reminded me this week to make decisions out of information, not emotions. I need to etch that in my brain somewhere deep ;)

I have personally been teaching myself to wait on God for a while now and am adding this house situation to the list.  Even after all of the mess with this house the past two years, I still love it.  It will always be our first home together and we can’t wait for someone else to be just as blessed by it. 

This is a picture of us being positive :)

We are confident that God is in control and that He will come through for us…. and that November is going to be a great month!

What has God been showing you lately?

For the last six weeks I have been going through Beth Moore's Esther Bible Study with about 25 ladies from church.  I have learned a lot in these weeks, and enjoyed every minute. It has been challenging, but great at the same time. I have come face to face with my insecurities…. and at the same time feel God’s comforting peace. A couple of my favorite things have been in the last two weeks.

Many of you know that I have lost two dear friends very suddenly. Back in June of 2008 when Courtney died, I can pin point the night that I let fear take over. Since then the enemy has been using this against me. I have been fearful of everything…. Sure there were times when I let my faith lead me through the valleys, but really… I was a scared little girl inside. In session four, Beth Moore said some things that really opened my eyes to this bondage. She encouraged us to be brave and courageous, saying we are only one decision away from the most important step. We don’t deny our fears, we just deny it’s power over us. She continued the idea of having freedom from fear, teaching us about conditional faith…. It’s not enough to believe that what we fear the most will never happen.

I needed to hear this lesson in the worst way. I have been praying constantly that God would increase my faith and decrease my fears. I want to make decisions out of wisdom, not fear. God offers us His very presence… so I can be convinced that I am brave and courageous. Courage is not the absence of fear… It’s knowing that there is something so much better! Take that! Take courage! Do not give in to vain imagination.

The second thing that I just loved and have been thinking about every minute since she said it on Monday is the concept of waiting on the Lord. I have heard this sooo many times… It was even read at my wedding… but it never clicked like this before. Session five was about the importance of knowing when it’s time. We all get impatient and things in our society just keep pushing immediate gratification, BUT if we cannot wait on the Lord, we will not fulfill our destinies.

Too many time we are waiting on the thing. Right now I am personally waiting on several huge things in my life. Our strength will just continue to expire if we continue to wait to the thing…. We wait on the Lord. The longer we wait on the Lord, the more our strength is renewed. Exalt God to the position to fight for you, humble yourself, and live a life full of passion and patience.

What has God shown you lately?  Please comment and let me know!
I have also shared this story at our women's ministry blog.

Lately...

"Without vision, the people perish"

3.23.11

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What's going on with us these days?

Nate continues to work as hard as he possibly can at church. He is always busy with youth things and now media too, but things feel like they are on pause. Really, our church has no vision. We are pushing through all the feelings of doubt and choosing to believe that we are here "for such a time as this."

Things are going to have to change drastically very soon. Every week we (us and a lot of the congregation) feel more and more exhausted. I am craving genuine worship and community. How is this church ever going to change? It has to change or it will eventually die.... It's like a contestant on The Biggest Loser. We need some leadership to come in and whip us into shape. Is there a Bob and Jillian out there for churches? Who knows?

I sit in the church office everyday and try to think of things to make it better, but there really is no point right now. Therefore, work is a little stressful/boring right now. I am still on weight watchers and love it, so I will stay on it until these last 18 pounds are gone. It may take forever, but I'm ready for it. I am over half way to my goal of losing 40 lbs.

Other than taking care of my Nate, myself, and my new kitchen not a lot has been going on. All in all, we are happy and healthy and enjoying each other and our house more than ever.

Good things come to those who wait.... Right?

Well, now we don't know when we are going to close on our house. Something always gets messed up with us. Really... I feel like nothing can just happen the way it's supposed to.

But, the good news is it will definitely be before October 8th. We were trying to close early so the sellers wouldn't have to pay another month's mortgage, but our finance guy didn't get the memo.... or at least he forgot about that little detail. It is only 8 more days, but after waiting 11 months I can hardly sleep at night because I am so excited to unpack.

I am constantly thinking about how we are going to decorate. Like all the time. It is driving Nate crazy, but I am just excited.

Here is what "we" are thinking:

This is my inspiration. We got it at Garden Ridge and I am in love with it. I know exactly where I'm going to put it. I'm going for eclectic country.... or something like that.

And, I have a new theory.... less is more. I don't feel like I have to hang something on every wall like I did in our first house.

This is our new pantry. It is going to house all our food. It is currently sitting with all our other stuff in two boxes (one weighs 90 lbs and the other 70lbs...we figure it will be easier to move this way) just waiting to be put together. Can't wait to see it in person. These are our new outside lights. Nate already has some projects lined up :) New inside lights.

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Now, this is the stuff I am looking for.... and will buy when we replenish our bank accounts.

I want 4 antique ceiling tiles to put together in a square. I can't find these things anywhere. Where else do I look?

I bet they will have some at Affair of the Heart (a huge craft show here in OKC)! Can't wait for that.

Furniture! It doesn't necessarily need to be leather, but we definitely want a dark brown couch, love seat, and recliner. We have been married long enough to finally buy our own furniture, right?

A sofa table. Who knows what color or shape.... we just need one. Our new house is so open we don't want people just staring at the back of our couch. I plan on putting our digital picture frame on it. (my Christmas present from last year that's still in the box) I like little decorative chairs with weird fabric. I like this print, but would also be open to some polka dots or stripes :)

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That is all for now. I'm sure I will think of something else in about 3 minutes. ha.

Anybody out there have any questions, comments, concerns, or suggestions? I don't hate comments :)

Home Sweet Home

The LORD your God is with you,

He is mighty to save.

He will take great delight in you,

He will quiet you with His love,

He will rejoice over you with singing.

~Zephaniah 3:17

Introducing our new house!

We close on September 30th and couldn't be more excited. I am already decorating it in my head and planning what I'm gonna cook.... if I can remember how.

The best thing about this house isn't the brick, the extra 500 square feet, the extra room that will be used as an office, the back yard, location, or open living area...... It is that God has been completely in control of everything that had to happen in order for us to get this house.

If you have been reading my blog, you are probably sick of hearing about our house in Arkansas selling. Even as I read some of my earlier posts I was a little embarrassed about how it has been mentioned every time. I guess that just shows how it has been consuming my mind and life for the last ten months.

BUT, no more my friends! Here is the story of how God moved:

Nate and I decided that we had been saving all this money for our whole five years of marriage and we are gonna spend some and take a trip. So, we went to the Bahamas, of course, and promised each other that we would try not to think about the house while on our relaxing vacation.

As the week went on it was hard, but we didn't think about it too much. I just knew in my bones that we were gonna have a message from our realtor when we got back to the good ol USA. Especially because there was a lady that had been talking with our realtor everyday and he said he hoped to have something in writing when we got back.

So, in the Dallas airport Nate checked his two messages. One was from a man named Brian that saw our house on Craig's List and wanted to see it. The other was from our realtor here in OK that was about to list our new house for way under market value and thought we would like it.

After calling everyone back, I convinced Nate to call our realtor in AR , cause I knew that he would have good news for us about this lady. Forget the Craig's List call. But again, there was no news to report. I was.... uh distraught. That's a nice word for it.

I felt like our realtors in AR have just been messing around with us and I just knew something was going to be done after our trip, but no.

To say that my heart was a rock is no understatement. I have been totally cold about the house thing since about month 7. I had tried to take God out of the picture and was starting to place blame on our AR realtors and Nate. I have never been as down in my life as I was the Friday we got the call about the Craig's List Brian wanting to lease our house.

I am not usually one to voice my opinions, and mostly rely on Nate to make our decisions.... So even though I was reluctant about the lease to own option, Nate strongly felt that this was our answer. Then, with the promise of a contract coming, we called our realtor here and went to see some houses.

He showed us our new house first, and all of the others were junk compared to it. We slept on it and when he took us to see it again I didn't want to leave. Nate and I felt great about putting in an offer. While we were sitting in the house Nate got the email with the contract for our AR house.

Since then, everything has been smooth sale-ing... ha. The buyers for our house in AR have given us an actual contract to buy the house with a early occupancy addendum, and the first months rent already. They are serious about getting some credit so they can be financed in less than 6 months and putting extra money in escrow every month. Our new house here passed inspection with flying colors, and is move in ready.

Now we are just waiting on our financing and everything should be signed for and done two weeks from today.

I didn't even realize all the tiny details that God worked out until I started to write in my diary. Think about it. Nate had two messages when we got back from our trip... One ended up being from the family that is buying our house, and the other ended up being about our new house. The family here could have gone with any number of realtors to sell their home, and they choose our realtor out of OKC. We got the contract for our AR house while we were writing a contract for our new OK house. His timing was just amazing. And, our realtor here, Christopher, thought of us when he saw our new house.... he hadn't seen us in 10 months.

Who says God doesn't answer prayers? Sometimes He just let's you wait. And in this case he had us wait so we could bless one family with a house of their own, and another family who needed to sell their house quickly. And so that we could have this wonderful house that we will be able to call "home"

Those words have never held so much meaning, or sounded so sweet.... "Home Sweet Home"

We are beyond grateful for all the prayers and support from our family, friends, and church family. It has been a rough 11 months and we don't know where we would be without you.

The Current Moment: Moving from Everything to Nothing

"Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think,according to the power that works within us to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen." Ephesians 3:20-21

Nate and I got married in August 2005 and moved to Rogers, AR. What an experience... Move out of your parents house to go four hours away with the man that I love. It was a hard adjustment, but Nate and I learned a lot about love and each other because we had nobody else to lean on. Those were some great days that I will never forget. I will always say that living away from family for a little while can be a good thing. We built a great life in Rogers, and God gave us some great friends that we will always be close to. Rogers will always be the first place we lived after we got married, where we had our first house, where Nate had his first job after college, where Nate started and finished his master's degree, where I graduated college, where we learned how to have friends, where we fell more in love with youth ministry, where we learned how to take care of ourselves, where I taught myself to cook... a little bit, and where a little piece of our hearts will always be. A lot of memories and emotions are in our hearts and minds when we think of Rogers. God taught us so much and we are thankful for every day we spent there and at FBC Rogers.

On November 2, 2010, we moved to Yukon, OK. It was the hardest thing that Nate and I have ever had to go through... Leaving the life that we had built there.... Leaving the youth, youth workers, and our friends (and their babies). But, it was also the best thing to do.... all because we were following God's will. We love Yukon! We love FBC Yukon! We love the relationships that we are making. Things at the church are going great. We are seeing some growth start to take place in the students and can't wait to see what God is going to do this summer. I am filling in for one of the secretaries at church and it has been great to be in the church everyday! It is like my dream job... ha. Everything with work is going great, but our personal lives are on hold. All of our earthly possesions have been in storage for six months. We are starting to wonder when our house is going to sell. That house means so much to us and we did so much to make it look better that we don't understand why it hasn't sold. Plus our realtor has been telling us for six months that it is just so cute that someone will fall in love with it and it will sell quickly. Whatever. That isn't even what really bothers us though.... It is just that we want to move on with our lives here. We want to be able to have the students and new friends over to "our house" and I want to be able to cook.... and not pay all the extra bills. It is 83 degrees outside today and neither one of us have any summer clothes out and it is impossible to get to them. ha Right in the middle of all these selfish thoughts... we call them our bad days... I saw this video

I feel like a self-centered jerk. Nate and I are fine. We have each other and a place to stay... Just because it isn't what we are used to, doesn't make it bad. We are learning again how to trust God with everything and He has provided. We want what God wants.... We are just trying not to get in the way.

God is God and God is Good!