The Waiting Game

WAIT:  verb (used without object)

1. to remain inactive or in a state of repose, until something expected happens

2. to remain neglected for a time

3. to look forward to eagerly

When I hear the word WAIT, the first thing I thing I think is…. “story of my life.”  Then I quickly survey my life and realize there are certain, very important, things where I didn’t have to WAIT too long. Like meeting and falling in love with my wonderful husband in the 8th grade.  But in every instance…. the WAITing ones and the not…. I can see God’s provision in my life.  There are still some things that I don’t understand, but I know in time God will show me a huge life lesson…. case in point: the year 2010.

The above definitions for the word WAIT give me mixed emotions: 1. sad, 2. depressed, and 3. hopeful.  When WAITing on anything, for just a short time or for years, it seems, maybe, as if God has forgotten you… He’s not hearing the cries of my heart, people… Or maybe the situation gets the best of you and you just quit praying all together.  That’s where I get when the WAITing game seems like too much to bear, where I feel totally “neglected for a time” and ready to sleep/eat my worries away.  But then sweet little definition #3 comes…. and I can continue to “look forward to eagerly” the blessings that God is going to give me soon.  And, look at all the beautiful blessings that are right in front of my face.

WAITing on God is something that is commanded:

“But you much return to your God, Maintain love and justice, and WAIT for your God always”  Hosea 12:6

“WAIT for the Lord, Be strong and take heart and WAIT for the Lord” Psalm 27:14

“Be still before the Lord and WAIT patiently for Him” Psalm 37:7

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you.  Therefore He will rise up to show you compassion.  For the Lord is a God of justice.  Blessed are all who WAIT for Him!”  Isaiah 30:18

We WAIT for His providence, His salvation, and His blessings….. Especially these days, where we are privileged to live in an instant and selfish United States.  But there are some benefits to WAITing on God.  It leads to expectancy… It leads to hope… It leads to trust… And it leads to patience.

“In the morning, Lord, You hear my voice.  In the morning I lay my requests before You and WAIT expectantly.”  Psalm 5:3

“We WAIT in hope for the Lord.  He is our help and our shield”  Psalm 33:20

“I will WAIT for the Lord… I will put my trust in Him”  Isaiah 8:17

“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we WAIT for it patiently”  Romans 8:25

And, we can always know that we are not alone.  And that things can always get worse or be worse.  Everyone is WAITing on something.  What I do while I WAIT is what’s important.  I can’t let myself grow bitter and more selfish… only better and more reliant on The One who’s in charge. 

Thinking through the Bible… there are soooo many people that WAITed years for God’s promises to be fulfilled:  Abraham & Sarah, Zechariah & Elizabeth, Joseph, Daniel, David, Ruth, Esther, Moses, Jacob, Paul, and even Jesus Himself.  Everything happens in God’s timing and who am I to ask why something isn’t happening right when I want it.

As I am turning 30 in a few short weeks, I am grateful for the knowledge I have on this subject…. way more than the average lady my age, I know that.  It has made me into the woman I am today.  Though it has been a hard lesson to learn, it has helped me to be more grounded and more grateful.  Life is too short to worry about whatever I am WAITing on.  I have learned that it is so comforting and so beautiful to fully rely and trust God for the desires of my heart.  He knows my heart and I pray everyday that it would be pure and steadfast.  That’s the bottom line.  That’s the end of my WAITing game. 

(Some of this was taken from BibleGateway.com.  A great resource that’s always at your fingertips)

In My Daughter’s Eyes

Everyone knows, a baby changes everything.  I thought I was fully prepared for these changes.  I had wanted to be a mother my entire life.  And for the most part, I have loved every change that has come our way.  What I wasn’t prepared for was how being a mother changed me.  Mollie is now two years old and still everyday I am learning new things about myself.

 

The funny side of this is that I am suddenly able to take care of things and share my opinions with  others.  I used to be so chill and mellow…. going with the flow and never speaking my mind about much.  Since having Mollie I suddenly feel equipped to tell everyone what I think.  I have opinions about things and I will gladly tell you… sometimes unsolicited.  My friends think it’s hilarious.  I think I feel empowered since birthing Mollie.  In a way she brought me into womanhood.

I look at Mollie and I want to be strong and independent for her…. characteristics that I would never stick on myself.  I want to be the best version of myself…. for her.  When she is cranky beyond repair, and Nate and I are tired of the tears, I want to be patient and tenderhearted to take care of her the best way I can. 

When we put her to bed at night, I want to sing to her and tell her she is beautiful, she is wanted, she is loved, and God has a plan for her life.  I want to speak only good things into her tiny, cutest thing ever, head.  I want her to hold onto Jesus and know that He will keep her safe, that He will always be with her.  And, in wanting those things for her it reminds me to live like I am beautiful, wanted, loved… and it makes me remember that God has a plan for my life, that I need to hold onto Jesus.

I want to be the woman that my daughter wants to be like.  And, as a person that has struggled with self-esteem ever since I can remember, this changes me.  The very thought of what I look like to Mollie…. it changes me.  It changes me for the better.

I love these words to this Martina McBride song "In My Daughter's Eyes":

In my daughter's eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter's eyes

And when she wraps her hand around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about
It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough
It's giving more when you feel like giving up
I've seen the light
It's in my daugter's eyes

In my daughter's eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she'll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I'm gone I hope you see how happy she made me
For I'll be there
In my daughter's eyes

 

I love you so much, Mollie Grace!

Nicaragua 2015

Missions.  Missions is so important to a local church.  God wants all of us to be on a mission for Him everyday we live.  Overseas missions is something special that every Christian believer should experience.  One time or 100 times, it forces you to get out of your comfort zone and trust God completely.  You see how other people around the world live while sharing the name of Jesus to people who have never heard before.  It is an amazing time.

When we came to Yukon, there were no mission trips.  There was no outreach.  The closest thing was the Annie Armstrong Easter Offering.  Nate knew that he needed to get missions into our church.  So, for the last four years, he has lead a group to Nicaragua to work with Voice of Hope Ministries.  I was able to go on two of these trips, but opted out this year.  I feel like Mollie is my mission right now, along with some other details.

So, Mollie and I sent our Nate off for a week of ministry in Nicaragua.  It is always hard to see him leave us, even for work in the morning… ha, but it was also great to know the lives that he would impact while he was gone.  Mission trips are faith building things… if you are going and if you send family members.  You have to rely on God to keep everyone safe going, and everyone safe that you’re leaving behind.  That is why prayers mean so much to the team and their loved ones.  In the end everyone grows… the team, their families, the people in Nicaragua, and ultimately our church and THE church.

This year, Nate was able to take a group of 19!  The largest group yet… and literally over 10% of our church.  His favorite part is always taking first timers and this year he got to take 9 newbies.  It is such a privilege to be his wife and watch him lead with such humility and grace.  I am so proud of my Nate.

They were able to see 344 saved, do some construction for a new church, hand out new school uniforms and formula to children and babies that needed it, and come home changed for the better.

Back at home, Mollie and I had a great week together.  It was fun to talk to Daddy every night on FaceTime….  Thank goodness for that technology in instances like this.  We went to see Cinderella at the movie theater with Melissa.  That was her second time and she did great!  We went to see baby Henry, and had a play date at a bounce house.  We also got it some retail therapy at Khols and Target.  It was fun to be the one she “wanted” all the time.

 

It was a good week for our little family of three, but man o man it felt so good to be reunited.  Together is just where we belong.

Nicaragua 2014

(This post is picture heavy.  Too many good ones.)

This trip challenged me in ways I didn’t know I could be challenged.  I knew from the beginning that I had to physically show God that I put my life, Nate’s life, and Mollie’s life in His hands.  It was a HUGE obstacle for me.  It sounds silly, because God is the one that gave us life, but for me handing all my worries and fears over to Him, in this way, was something new… Mostly because we have Mollie now.

I thought I had learned that lesson last year, when Nate went over there without me.  But with Mollie it was a whole new ballgame.  I had every irrational fear you could have…. the one about us dying on a plane and leaving Mollie without parents topped the list.

It was all totally insane, but God showed me how to fully rely on Him.  I knew I needed to go on this trip to teach myself a lesson.  Children are a gift from God and to not fully give them back to Him is selfish.  God even sacrificed His one and only Son for me, so what in the world was I doing?  When my friend Hollie was going to Nicaragua the first time, she was having a hard time leaving her son.  I remember telling her that if God and Jesus were in the same situation as humans here on earth, I thought God would totally leave Jesus with his grandparents so He could go share the good news.  It’s a funny thought, but it helped me to get over myself.

Anyways, back to our trip.

 

 We had a great group.  It was too much fun traveling and working with these wonderful peeps.

Nate preached at the first church we went to.  He always does a great time and makes me oh so proud to be his wife.  We didn’t go a day without face timing with Mollie and Grandma and Papa.  Thank goodness for technology these days.

 

When we went to churches, everyone was always so happy to see us.  The kids wanted to hug us and stare at us and definitely take pictures.  We also got to go into several schools.  It was amazing.  The teachers would happily invite us in and we would tell them all about Jesus.  In this class, at the first school we went to, all of the kids accepted Christ into their hearts.  There is nothing like hearing thirty second and third graders repeat the sinners prayer after you.  It was also a great experience for me to see our group go through something like this for the first time.  I love watching people experience overseas missions for the first time. 

These pictures are from one of our first fiestas.  Again at a school.  We played games and put on a funny skit.  Hollie and I reprised our rolls as the drunks and we were trying to get Lauren, aka Sinbox Sally, out of her sin.  Then we again shared the gospel and I got to take my picture with some of the girls.

 

Hollie, Me, Lauren and Emily….. ……………  ….Nate, Garrett, Zack, David, Kevin and Jerry.

Nate liked holding babies this year.  You could tell he was missing his little girl, but not as much as me.  I was having a super hard time being so far away from her.  If we were out and working, my mind was fixed on that.  But as soon as we were on the bus or back at the team house, I was a wreck inside.  But we all made it, and Nate also had a little too much fun being the Strong Man in the skit.

(Top Left) Nate and I with some kids at another school.  (Top Right)  Us with some of our fabulous translators.  (Bottom Center)  Hollie, Brandi, and I at one of the schools.  This moment was probably my favorite one of the trip.  Leading a whole class to Christ with two of my best friends!

 

We got to visit the ocean again.  So beautiful.  And Javi translated for me when I gave my testimony.  It was a little different this year because I shared about my struggle with fear.

(Above) More face timing with my girl.  And a little girl that held my hand for close to 30 minutes while we were inviting everyone to the fiestas.  She was sweet and would just look at me with the biggest smile.  I told her she was muy bonita and that she was my new amigo.

(Below) On our free day, we went ziplining.  That was super fun… and I saw a monkey!  We also ate some steak and went to the market (where there is a dormant volcano that looks like a huge lake).

    

March 16-21, 2014

Parenting 101

You know how people are always telling you how time flies?  How children grow so quickly?  And so on….  I never really understood until now.  I seriously cannot believe how fast one month passes.  Or even one week.  Heck, it almost takes an hour to feed Mollie.

The first month of being a parent was something else.  Emotional overload, to say the least!  Nate and I were beat after spending two nights in one hospital, then two nights at home, and then two nights at another hospital.  Mollie’s first week of life was something else.

Nate and I had the instant need/feeling/intuition to take care of this little human, but we weren’t sure how much we loved her.  Don’t get me wrong, we wanted her…. and were so blessed and happy to have her in our lives and everything, but neither of us had the immediate love connection.  For some people, like us, our love had to grow.  Over the first 4 weeks, we loved Mollie by taking care of her every need.  We loved her by getting up every 2-3 hours and feeding her, and giving her a bath, and rocking her, and everything else that comes with a newborn baby.  After being married for a while, I always defined love as putting the other person above yourself… always thinking of their needs before your own.  Parenting is no different.

We had some hard times, where we literally thought, “what were we thinking?”  But, I think every first time parent has those times.  You know where you are rocking your tiny baby in the middle of the night crying along with her…. It had been just Nate and I doing whatever we wanted for seven wonderful years.  And, we love each other more than the average couple, so it was hard for us to not be the center of each other’s lives anymore.  Now, we had someone else to think about all the time.

Through it all, Nate and I had great patience and ultimately…. great love for our beautiful daughter.  Looking back, I can see how much this new life has changed me.  They saying is true…. a baby changes everything.  And, I’ll add to it…. a baby changes everything for the better.  As I write this (and catch up on the blog) Mollie is almost 4 months old, and I can honestly say my heart is completely full.  I love this little life just like I love my Nate…. and I didn’t think that was possible ;)

 

What an awesome life we get to have on this earth.  And, being a part of bringing a new life here has been the greatest experience yet.

Momma and Daddy truly love you, little girl!

.

If there is anyone out there that has a newborn at home, and you’re feeling disconnected.  Don’t worry… Love grows with time.  And, in my experience, that is the best kind of love.

Telling the BFFs

June 4, 2012

I was probably most excited to tell my two best friends about our baby.  They had been my confidants and helped keep me positive through the year of trying.  They were the only ones that knew, and it meant a lot to me that they prayed everyday for this baby.

I kept trying to get us together for ice cream or something so I could spill the beans, but there was always something going on.  So on June 4, 2012 we went to lunch.

I bought them cell phone cases and had this speech all planned to say when I gave them these:

We ate lunch and had some good old talks.  Melissa (who is having a baby in September) even gave me some pregnancy tests because she didn’t need them anymore (and they are super expensive), so I knew they didn’t suspect anything.

So after we finished eating… while we were waiting on our cheesecake… I told them I got them a present and just handed them their cases.  I totally forgot about my speech because I was so excited, and just let them figure it out for themselves.

First reactions:

Hollie even shed a little tear.  They were too cute!  It was a classic reaction and I will never forget it.  I am so super blessed to have such great friends.  Don’t know what I would do without them.

They continued to ask questions and couldn’t believe I waited so long to tell them.  Melissa even said she had just prayed over those pregnancy tests for ten minutes… ha.  It was a great lunch that I will never forget!  Makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time, even now.