The Waiting Game

WAIT:  verb (used without object)

1. to remain inactive or in a state of repose, until something expected happens

2. to remain neglected for a time

3. to look forward to eagerly

When I hear the word WAIT, the first thing I thing I think is…. “story of my life.”  Then I quickly survey my life and realize there are certain, very important, things where I didn’t have to WAIT too long. Like meeting and falling in love with my wonderful husband in the 8th grade.  But in every instance…. the WAITing ones and the not…. I can see God’s provision in my life.  There are still some things that I don’t understand, but I know in time God will show me a huge life lesson…. case in point: the year 2010.

The above definitions for the word WAIT give me mixed emotions: 1. sad, 2. depressed, and 3. hopeful.  When WAITing on anything, for just a short time or for years, it seems, maybe, as if God has forgotten you… He’s not hearing the cries of my heart, people… Or maybe the situation gets the best of you and you just quit praying all together.  That’s where I get when the WAITing game seems like too much to bear, where I feel totally “neglected for a time” and ready to sleep/eat my worries away.  But then sweet little definition #3 comes…. and I can continue to “look forward to eagerly” the blessings that God is going to give me soon.  And, look at all the beautiful blessings that are right in front of my face.

WAITing on God is something that is commanded:

“But you much return to your God, Maintain love and justice, and WAIT for your God always”  Hosea 12:6

“WAIT for the Lord, Be strong and take heart and WAIT for the Lord” Psalm 27:14

“Be still before the Lord and WAIT patiently for Him” Psalm 37:7

“Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you.  Therefore He will rise up to show you compassion.  For the Lord is a God of justice.  Blessed are all who WAIT for Him!”  Isaiah 30:18

We WAIT for His providence, His salvation, and His blessings….. Especially these days, where we are privileged to live in an instant and selfish United States.  But there are some benefits to WAITing on God.  It leads to expectancy… It leads to hope… It leads to trust… And it leads to patience.

“In the morning, Lord, You hear my voice.  In the morning I lay my requests before You and WAIT expectantly.”  Psalm 5:3

“We WAIT in hope for the Lord.  He is our help and our shield”  Psalm 33:20

“I will WAIT for the Lord… I will put my trust in Him”  Isaiah 8:17

“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we WAIT for it patiently”  Romans 8:25

And, we can always know that we are not alone.  And that things can always get worse or be worse.  Everyone is WAITing on something.  What I do while I WAIT is what’s important.  I can’t let myself grow bitter and more selfish… only better and more reliant on The One who’s in charge. 

Thinking through the Bible… there are soooo many people that WAITed years for God’s promises to be fulfilled:  Abraham & Sarah, Zechariah & Elizabeth, Joseph, Daniel, David, Ruth, Esther, Moses, Jacob, Paul, and even Jesus Himself.  Everything happens in God’s timing and who am I to ask why something isn’t happening right when I want it.

As I am turning 30 in a few short weeks, I am grateful for the knowledge I have on this subject…. way more than the average lady my age, I know that.  It has made me into the woman I am today.  Though it has been a hard lesson to learn, it has helped me to be more grounded and more grateful.  Life is too short to worry about whatever I am WAITing on.  I have learned that it is so comforting and so beautiful to fully rely and trust God for the desires of my heart.  He knows my heart and I pray everyday that it would be pure and steadfast.  That’s the bottom line.  That’s the end of my WAITing game. 

(Some of this was taken from BibleGateway.com.  A great resource that’s always at your fingertips)

Disciple Now 2014: SURRENDER

This is probably my favorite youth event we do.  It’s a long weekend where we can just get away and grow closer to God and each other.  It’s not a whole week, so you don’t get as tired and I don’t have to leave Mollie as long.

This year, the weather was a little crazy.  We thought we were going to get snowed in at one point…  That didn’t stop us from having so much fun though!  We continued our traditions of adults vs. students dodge ball, hide-n-seek in the dark, ropes course, and having Durgan and David come from Rogers to do the music.

I love being a part of these girls’ lives and pray daily that they will see Christ’s love in me and want to know Him more!  In May, we will be saying goodbye to three special girls and one special guy.  I always hate that time… It’s like I am sending my own kids off to college.

 

Anyways, this year we talked about SURRENDER!

*Surrender my STUFF:

• What makes me absolutely content?
• Do I see that I am totally rich in Jesus!
• Don’t find security in things.
• Is God my first love?
• We can only have one master –> Seek first the kingdom of God
• A desire for money leads to moral meltdown
• Contentment is based on an awareness of God’s presence!

*Surrender my STATUS:

• You really can’t follow God and “fit in”
• Do I try to improve my status?
• How do I treat the outcasts?
• How can I put others above myself to become a servant like Jesus.

*Surrender my SIN:

• Do I have an urgency to stop my sin?
• Sin = Destruction
• Sin hurts our bodies, relationships, and our souls
• Sexual sin is more damaging because it’s mental, emotional, physical, social, and private.
• Love + Holy Spirit = Victory over sin
• Sin grows (example: if you go barefoot a lot, you build up calluses on your feet.  The skin “deadens” so you won’t be sensitive.  In the same way we build up calluses on our souls.  We stop feeling bad about it so it gets easier to sin.)
• Sin finds its own society – be careful whose advise you follow
• Sin has a cycle – sin, feel sorry, ask for forgiveness, sin… Romans 7:18-25
• Jesus rescued us from this cycle
• God’s spirit brings life!
• Sin doesn’t have to define us
• Repeat this:  I am a child of God.  I am His masterpiece.  He created me to do amazingly good things.  I want to surrender my sin and be lifted up by God to a life that is more alive that I’ve ever imagined.

*Lastly, Surrender my SELF:

• Invest myself in what God wants
• Serve!
• Devos and mission trips need to be connected to a life that is connected to God.
• “Take up your cross daily” = Surrendering everything for Him! (freedom, reputation, our very lives)
• Let Jesus define my success!

I was challenged to INVITE HIM TO WORK MIRACLES FROM MY MISERY and BE PATIENT AND GET TO KNOW HIM THROUGH THE PROCESS OF HEALING.  God left us here on the earth to feel through our hurts.  We can’t even understand the good He has in store for us.

Live and Breath

Last Sunday, April 29th, would have been my friend Kristin’s 26th birthday.  I spent a lot of time this month thinking about her, and even more time on Sunday.  I had a good ugly cry, because it is just so heartbreaking when someone’s life is cut short… especially a good friend.

Kristin and I at her wedding ~ November 2004 

But then, I remembered the lessons I learned when my other great friend passed away right after we graduated from college.  It was in June 2008 and I will never forget the tearful message from her dad on my phone.  That day changed my life forever.  I struggled with extreme guilt and disbelief.  Why should I have the opportunity to be with my husband when she couldn’t anymore?  Why should I be able to enjoy a meal, take a vacation, or even breath?  Courtney will never get to do these things.  She will never get to have those babies we always talked about and enjoy her new house with her high-school sweetheart husband.

Courtney and I at our college graduation ~ May 2008

Those were some of the darkest days of my life as I searched out what God was trying to teach me.  When I heard Courtney’s family talk about how she was looking down on us wishing she could be here, it hit me…. no she’s not!  Courtney (and now Kristin) is in the very presence of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ!  She isn’t wishing for the things of this world.  They aren’t even thinking of us like we are thinking of them… There is no time in Heaven.  My friends are in a perfect place where their souls are at rest in the very presence of Jesus.  Who am I to wish they were still here on this earth?  In all actuality, we are the ones that are here in this increasingly evil world.

I say all this just because I have spent this entire month extremely grateful and humbled for the wonderful life I get to live on this earth.  I also say all these things to remind myself that we are not home… We are just temporary travelers in a foreign land… dots on the timeline of eternity…

God thank you for life.  For blessings.  For giving us the desires of our hearts.  Lord, please help me to live with eternity in mind and set my feet firm on your path for my life.

Stand and Fight!

Last weekend, we got to go to the Oklahoma’s Ladies’ Retreat at Falls Creek.  It was a great weekend away with some great ladies!

We heard from some great speakers like Kelly Minter and Angela Thomas.  Had some great worship with Matt Roberson.  And the best entertainment ever with The Skit Guys.  (Click on their names for more information.)

 

In one of the sessions we went to, Cari Trotter talked about how we are spiritually asleep, and we are raising spiritually asleep children.  Even though I don’t have children of my own, I can think about the youth we have in our ministry right now, and I completely agree with her.  She went on to teach us how to fight.

“Lift up your heads, O you gates;
be lifted up, you ancient doors,
that the King of glory may come in.
Who is this King of glory?
The LORD strong and mighty,
the LORD mighty in battle. 
Lift up your heads, O you gates;
lift them up, you ancient doors,
that the King of glory may come in.
Who is he, this King of glory?
The LORD Almighty—
he is the King of glory.”

~Psalm 24:7-10

Have you ever heard of the movie Saving Private Ryan?  It is one of Nate’s favorites, but I can’t make it through the first five minutes.  Anyway, there is a great lesson in the middle of this movie.  They are in a battle… guns going off left and right… bullets flying in every direction.  One guy had one very important job, and that was to hand out the ammo.  Everyone else would do the shooting and killing, all he had to do was hand out the bullets.  So just picture this young man, in battle gear, covered with ammo to hand out so they could defeat their enemy.  All his fellow soldiers were screaming at him for help, but all he could do was sit there and cry.  He was frozen with fear.  He had all this ammo, but he wouldn’t get up.

This is a picture of our lives.  God gives us everything we need to get through whatever circumstance we may face, but we won’t get up and fight.  O don’t you want to stand up and fight?  Like the scared soldier, we don’t even have to do the work…. We just have to be willing to help defeat the enemy.  We have to release and surrender.  We have to understand that fear is intentional.  We have to define our areas of war, and not be afraid to go through the knots of our life.  We have to reject areas of darkness and run to our King! 

If we are daily in the Word and constantly in prayer we will be able to use the ammo God gives us.  We will be spiritually strong! We will be able to define the things we need to reject, and recognize the things in which we need to immerse ourselves.

O to be that mighty soldier… ready to stand and fight!

.

What do you think?  Are Hollie and I scary enough to fight the enemy ;)

 

 

“The Day a Weight was Lifted”

I strongly believe that one of the reasons God allows “storms” in our life is so we can help others that go through the same thing.  So we can learn about ourselves, and have a lasting testimony of our Lord and Saviors providential timing and see how He sustains us.

Last night in Nate’s talk to the youth he said that God wants to show His greatness to others through your storm.  The point of pain in our lives isn’t to suck it up or walk it off… It’s to show the beauty and grace of our Savior.

I have found that I am a becoming a writer.  I have kept journals since I can remember, but lately it has gone to a whole different level… I have to write to get things off my chest.  I have to write to vent my feelings.  I just have to write.

This is what I wrote in my journal yesterday…

Ah!  Sweet relief!  After being in Yukon and having our house in Rogers for sale for 2 1/2 years… It finally sold today!  Closing was at 2pm and we got a call around 3:30 with the good news.  That was 1,080 days of waiting on the Lord.  This was the 4th or 5th offer we got and I was so scared that they were going to back out too.  Praise the Lord they didn’t. 

Getting our papers signed and sending them off!

I feel like a different person without this over my head.  Many times I have felt sorry for myself… calling this “storm” in my life a nightmare.  Things couldn’t have gone worse.  At least that’s how I felt.  Nate and I were on our knees about this situation everyday.  Our minds, hearts, and money has been in two different towns.  We would go through “what if?” situations, like:  What if our first realtor would have priced it right back in October 2009?  What if our second realtor would have done a better job with the rent-to-own option?  What if we wouldn’t have let a bum live there for 10 months?

Now, being finished with the whole ordeal, I am saying “what if?” in a different way… What if we didn’t have the love and provision of our Almighty God to put all our hope and faith in?  What if our families didn’t support us and continually offer help and support?  What if I didn’t have such wonderful friends that prayed everyday for me when I couldn’t?  What if our church family didn’t love and support us?  What if God hadn’t provided the money we needed to live or places to live (like my brother’s barn or our church’s mission house)?  Seriously, what if?

I am blessed beyond what I can even believe.  There is no reason that I deserve so much.  There is no explanation as to why Nate and I are not in debt up to our eyeballs, in foreclosure, or homeless and hungry… Besides the wonderful provision of our awesome Lord and Savior, and the faithful prayers of His children.  I am so thankful for so much right now in this moment.

Celebratory Italian nachos!

I always say that we learn a lot from these “unforeseen storms” of life, and Nate and I aren’t to sure if we learned anything of great importance BUT I do know of some things.  We learned patience… with God, others, each other and money.  We learned that God will provide!  And that we are horrible landlords and should never own another rental property.  We learned how to look for a good realtor.  And what depression feels like.  We learned what it was like to face a huge crisis, and how to support each other in the midst of it.  We learned about short sales.  I learned I was a really good letter writer (there was no way they were saying no).  I learned the feeling of genuine community and dependence on the two best friends that I’ve ever had in my life.  I learned that Nate and I have a deep, un-shattering love for each other… even deeper than I thought.

Celebratory dinner with friends!

I’m sure more gratefulness and more things I learned will come to me in the following days, but today I will just relish the love of my Heavenly Father, my wonderful husband, my best friends, my family, and my church.  This leap year 2012 will forever be a memory in my life.  “The day a weight was lifted” I like to say.  A day that will live in infamy… just joking ;)

It is good to feel more like myself and hear Nate genuinely laugh.  It’s been a while and we are ready to make this whole “owning one house instead of two” thing the new normal.  Oh, what a life we get to lead.

So, if you are in the midst of a storm, and need some encouragment… know that this storm is not the end of your story.  Know that it will end some day.  Don’t allow it to take you over.  Allow it to shape you into a more faithful follower of Christ.

Goodbye darling house.  We will always love and cherish our time with you!

August 2005 – November 2009

3600 West Beechwood Drive. Rogers, AR 72756

“Let go. And Let God.”

Have you ever prayed for something so much… over and over… every day… until you didn’t even believe that prayer was helping???

I recently got to that point.  I realized, that again, my prayers were completely selfish and I didn’t feel right about begging God for two certain things I wanted to happen in my life.  I completely let these two requests take over my entire prayer life.  It was completely ridiculous.  My heart was full of doubt and fear, as I would be on my knees begging and pleading with God to answer these petitions, and at the same time in my head I was thinking they are never going to happen.

This is my story of letting go and letting God.

Last Monday, during my quiet time I was having a fight with myself about praying for things too much.  It turned into a complete melt down within myself and I decided…. “I can’t do it.  I can’t pray about these things anymore.”  I read this passage out of James chapter 4 that further proved my point:

When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures."

"You wouldn't think of just asking God for it, would you? And why not? Because you know you'd be asking for what you have no right to. You're spoiled children, each wanting your own way…"

It was true… The Bible is always true, but this passage hit me between the eyes.  I was asking with doubt in my heart because I had prayed about the same two things for over a year.  I am a spoiled child of God and it was sobering to realize I simply just needed to LET GO! AND LET GOD!

I know this.  I have known this.  I just got to consumed with begging God for things I thought I had to have.  So I enacted a plan right away to not pray for myself about these things and call on three of my good friends to do it for me.  I got a true feeling of genuine community as I completely trusted that God would come through because I knew my friends would be praying.

Side Note:  If you don’t have close friends like this…. find some.  God doesn’t expect you to go through things alone and genuine friends that truly care are there “for such a time as this” to help lighten your load.

Anyway, that was on a Monday.  By Tuesday afternoon I felt an amazing since of peace and freedom.  By Thursday God had answered one of the prayer requests!  This had been like a ball-and-chain around my ankle for the last two and a half years, and God had finally answered!  It has nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with the powerful prayers of wonderful friends and God’s providential wisdom, timing, and healing!

I have clung and will continue to cling to Psalm 55:22 until the second prayer is answered.

“Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you.  He will never let the righteous fall.”

In the mean time, let me encourage you with this… Let go. And let God.  He can handle it.  If you find yourself praying passionately for something for a long period of time, and it becomes too much… Let go.  And let God come through for you.

He holds my lot.

Have you ever found yourself in a place where you felt the enemy was totally there seeking your slaughter?  Have you ever felt like your prayers aren’t being heard?  Do you find yourself asking God why?  Are you going through such a hard time, that there seems to be no end in sight?  Are you impatient?  Unwilling to step out on faith?  Or just plain tired of life?

Thankfully, I have gone through the valleys before and have learned how to not get depressed or stressed…. and to totally put all my hope and faith in The One that can get you through.  Nate and I are, yet again, going through one of these times right now with the sell of our car/house.  God has already shown us how His hand is all over this situation and I totally expect Him to do something amazing in the next couple weeks.  I choose to believe that November 2011 will be a great month for us.  But, if God’s timing is not now…. He is still God and He is still good! 

Psalm 15:5-6 was mentioned in our Beth Moore Esther Bible Study and I love this so much I wanted to share.  We learned early on in the study about casting lots…. which is basically a gamble.  In these verses think of your portion as your destiny and your cup as what you are going through right now….. In other words:

God, You know my future and You know what I am going through right now; You take the dice of my life and make it land where You want…. There is no gamble with You… You make my life safe and give me peace.

Isn’t is comforting to know that God is already on the other side of every situation.  He is in control.  There is no need to fear or worry.  He will sustain us and if what we think should happen doesn’t….. there is another way for things to work out.  Beth Moore hit the nail on the head when she said, “when all is said and done, we will see that the portion God assigned to us was good.  Right.  Rich.  Full of purpose.”

So, when you find yourself in a dark place.  Stop, rest easy, and find wonderful peace and comfort knowing that He is in control.  He holds your lot. 

“Oh, that we would wake up to the goodness of our God and the crushing defeat of our enemy!” –Beth Moore